Pizza and Beer
by TeamGwenee
Summary: Join the Torchwood team for an evening of sophisticated dining, where they exchange witty banter and briefly debate on heavy topics such as the futility of life and shiny stickers.
"What's this? Beer, on the job," Jack called as he made his way from his office, "I'm pretty sure that's not allowed. Aren't bosses meant to be against this sort of thing?"

"And jobs are meant to have regular work hours," Gwen replied through a mouthful of pizza, "And pigs aren't meant to glow bright green and nor are fishes meant to rap. And yet it seems as of today none of these things are true. So it's pizza and beer,"

"Those were all isolated incidents," Jack pointed out.

"Well, so is us having pizza and beer," Owen retorted, taking a lengthy swig from his can.

"How on Earth is you lot drinking beer an isolated incident? And we've had pizza eight times this week alone. Never mind that it's only Wednesday,"

"Ah," Ianto sat up, "But this time we're drinking different beer. And Gwen and I are eating stuffed crust with extra cheese instead of pepperoni and Tosh is having extra chillies on hers, whilst Owen didn't order any garlic bread,"

"So you see," Owen put, "This time is completely different,"

"An isolated incident," Gwen summed up with a nod, a smear of tomato sauce round her mouth.

"Sorry Jack," Tosh added, shooting him an apologetic smile. Not that it stopped her from finishing the last of her beer and moving onto another.

Jack shook his head in mock disappointment. "You know, you could have at least tried to do the decent thing and do it sneakily behind my back. Flaunting it in my face is just bad manners,"

Owen burped in response.

"So you don't want any then Sir?" Ianto asked.

"Now I didn't say that," Jack said quickly, sitting down by Gwen and moving to steal a slice of her pizza, only to be put off when Gwen held out her fork menacingly. Seeing the dangerous look in her eyes, he quickly retreated and instead took the slice of pizza offered by Ianto.

"Thank you Ianto, at least some of my employees are willing to share,"

"You are more than welcome Sir," Ianto replied, nibbling so daintily at his pizza that the napkin he wore as a bib was quite superfluous. In comparison, Gwen and Owen wolfed their pizza down, not giving a damn about stains. After all, their clothes were only going to get covered in blood or sweat sooner or later.

"Oh yes, Jack's always welcome to take a nibble," Owen scoffed.

"That was painful Owen," Tosh sighed, "Couldn't you at least try to be a little bit original?"

"It's Jack and Ianto's sex life you're talking about," Gwen added, "It's impossible not to be original,"

"As much as I love having my sex life the main topic of conversation," Jack said, without a hint of sarcasm, "I really think this entire conversation is just getting a bit too close for sexual harassment, and not the fun kind. I fear that we are quickly approaching the realm of bad puns and innuendos, something I would quite like to avoid,"

"Since when did you care about sexual harassment?" Owen demanded.

"I don't care. It's the bad puns and innuendos I mind,"

"What about clever puns and innuendos?" Gwen suggested.

"As soon as you can think of any, you can say them,"

Gwen furrowed her brow and opened her mouth, only to slump back into her chair with a shrug. "Nah, I've got nothing," she said, before cramming the rest of her pizza into her mouth.

"Blimey Gwen, that was quite a mouthful," Owen snorted, only to be met with groans.

"Terrible, utterly terrible," Gwen shook her head, "I'm always disappointed by you, aren't I Owen?"

Owen glared at her as Jack laughed and patted Gwen on the back.

"Shiny sticker for Gwen's chart then," Ianto muttered.

Gwen smirked at Owen. "I get a shiny sticker," she said smugly, sticking her tongue out.

Owen rolled his eyes. "You do know that you don't actually get a shiny sticker, don't you?"

"Actually, you do," Ianto informed him, pulling out his diary and flicking to the back page. On it was a chart drawn with felt tip with each of their names down the side, and rows of shiny smiley face stickers next to them. Gwen and Tosh were vying for lead, while Owen lagged behind far behind.

"Favouritism," Owen mumbled, of course Ianto would give the girls more stickers.

"Hey!" Jack protested, "I haven't got a chart,"

"I didn't want to encourage any inappropriate behaviour Sir,"

"Name one time that I have behaved inappropriately," Jack demanded, only to be met with four pairs of wide, disbelieving eyes. He sat back with a huff. "Ok, ok. Ask a silly question,"

It was then the Rift Alarm went off, ringing wildly. Jack leapt to his feet and headed over to the closest monitor.

"Rift action down by the Harbour," he announced. "Gwen, come check it out with me,"

Gwen made a half hearted move to get up, before slumping back down into her seat.

"Oh bugger it," she sighed, "We've been up for nearly twenty three hours and have had seven Rift alerts. I don't care if the world is going to end. As far as I am concerned, if the world can't stay out of danger long enough for me to eat a pizza, then it's not worth saving,"

"If the world ends then you won't ever be able to eat pizza," Jack pointed. "Or chips or ice cream or chocolate cake,"

That got Gwen's attention. She scowled, but pushed herself up from the couch and tugged on her leather jacket.

"Come on then," she sighed grudgingly, "Let's go save the world. _Again,_ "

"That's the enthusiasm I want from my team," Jack cheered, slinging an arm round her shoulders. He leant to whisper in her ear. "And if you do end up saving the world, I'll get you a chip butty on the way back,"

After all, the fastest way to a Welsh woman's heart was through her stomach.


End file.
